Festive Dilemmas

Let your children know that Christmas is going to be different.  Instead of lots of gifts, you're going to focus on having a really special time instead.  When it comes to their Christmas lists, you could suggest they write down something they'd like that they can hold, and something they'd love to do with you.  

It's okay for your child to get upset if they don't get what they want.  When a child doesn't feel like they have the space to express how they feel, their feeling gets bigger, because they don't feel heard.  It can be uncomfortable for parents, but it's important to acknowledge they're upset.  

Avoid opening presents with other people who are likely to have got nicer things.  Big up the lovely things they've received as they're opened and don't forget to show excitement about your own present of socks.

"This is a great time to create brand new traditions with your children that empower them to participate and confirm the love that still exists within your family. If things are peaceful between parents then celebrate together in one home.  If things are not peaceful (and that's ok, it's new) then celebrate separately.  Either way, do something fun and new that celebrates the changing shape of your family.

Try a new recipe together, make hand-made gifts for each other, volunteer locally, buy matching pyjamas, and veg out on Christmas films..."  (A Kids Book About Divorce, Ashley Simpo)

If you are not with your children on Christmas Day try celebrating on a different day.  When you have your children back make that day special, concentrate on having fun and making them feel loved.

If you are going to be alone, make a plan.  Perhaps see friends or use this opportunity to take a trip or do something you wouldn't usually do at Christmas

If you're spending time with your family, explain that you might need time out in a quiet room every now and then, or might even need to go home.  If you're hones with how you're feeling, you'll avoid interrogations about where you've been or why you're going.  Sometimes the thought of Christmas is worse than the reality, so just go with how you feel.

And avoid spending too much time alone.  We tend to isolate after loss, but we need others around us to share out thoughts and feelings with, and enjoy new experiences with them that can become new happy memories.

'The first Christmas without someone can be hard, but it's also a chance to spend time with your family, sharing memories about that person.  If you put it off, you'll still have to deal with all that emotion next year.  Perhaps start a new Christmas tradition with your siblings to share each year, like each buying a tree decoration linked to your Mum's memory, or meeting up somewhere she loved, so you can toast her life'.

Marketing and social media have much to answer for at this time of year, when we're bombarded with images of friends and family having a fantastic time together.  For the majority of people, this is not reality.  Loneliness is on the rise, and has even been referred to as the 'second pandemic'.

One step might be to check out nextdoor, a free app which brings neighbours together who have shared interests.  You could put out a message asking if anyone fancies a walk or a cup of tea on Christmas Day and also consider contacting local homelessness charities to see if they could use some help on the day.  Volunteering is a brilliant way to meet people, gain new skills and get perspective on what other people have to cope with.

You could make the 25th as a day where the focus is completely on you.  You could treat yourself to something that you really like, an object or an experience.  Have your favourite food, watch a film that brings you joy.  Take the opportunity to read a book.  Get out in nature, wrap up well and walk.  Your mind body and spirit will thank you.  Plan what you are going to do and prepare for it. It is 1 day out of 365 days.  It doesn't need to determine your level of happiness. 

Sometimes our expectations We put so many expectations on ourselves during the festive eriod, that we can end ip feeling too overwhelmed to enjoy what's really important: spending time with family and fri

Try a new recipe together, make hand-made gifts for each other, volunteer locally, buy matching pyjamas, and veg out on Christmas films..."  (A Kids Book About Divorce, Ashley Simpo)

If you are not with your children on Christmas Day try celebrating on a different day.  When you have your children back make that day special, concentrate on having fun and making them feel loved.

If you are going to be alone, make a plan.  Perhaps see friends or use this opportunity to take a trip or do something you wouldn't usually do at Christmas